Colorblind!

Image: Can you see the number in this image? Neither can I!

I started wearing glasses when I was six. I was severely near-sighted, with astigmatism, so essentially there was one fixed point where my eyes focused perfectly. I didn't even have the relief of taking of my glasses while I read a book, because I could not focus on the type.

I have always had a troubled relationship with palettes. I did not color in the lines, either, so my school artwork was never on display. After I married and we had children, Denise routinely expressed her disappointment at the wardrobe decisions I made when helping the kids dress. I never understood the problem. While I did not necessarily agree with her, I adopted the rule that if the child was wearing a patterned shirt or pants, the other pieces of the wardrobe needed to be solids. I rarely broke the most important rule of all: never mix stripes and polka dots.

I never discovered I was colorblind until I was in my early forties. I knew I had trouble with shades of red, and that I occasionally confused browns and greens, but I honestly thought it was a language issue. I had never learned the vocabulary of colors, so I avoided them. One day at work, while in the elevator, a co-worker complimented by 'beautiful purple sweater.' I was gracious, and thought it was the funniest comment ever because I was wearing my favorite black and grey check sweater. When I mentioned the comment to another co-worker, my world fell apart. She painstakingly pointed out the patches of purple, green and grey. Once I was shown the true colors, I could see them whenever I looked at the sweater. There was no black on the sweater at all. The pattern was actually different than I thought: those big black checks were actually smaller green and purple squares. At my next eye checkup, the optometrist pulled out the dreaded color dots test and confirmed the news: I was colorblind.

When I started wearing contacts --in my fifties-- they seemed to help. I could actually see the numbers in those damned tests, although that did not always translate to real life. (Writer's note: I'm not a big fan of mysteries because I find the authors often resort to hiding information from the reader in order to surprise them at the reveal, frequently with a minor character that appeared to die in the first chapter. Just the same, there is no number in the AI generated image at the top of the post. Not sorry.)

Last year, I got new glasses, and in the month it took to manufacture the specialty lenses I require, my eyesight got even worse. I could not use the new glasses. It turns out my cataracts had worsened dramatically, all at once, so I needed to have cataract surgery. The surgery went well and for the first time in more than fifty years I no longer need corrective lenses. The most amazing thing, however, was the brilliance of the colors all around me.

We have barn swallows that nest around our house (and on it.) They like it when I mow. The mower makes insects in the grass jump or fly away and the swallows swoop in around me to catch the insects in the air. Whenever I am mowing, they are right there, giving me an entourage of tiny birds.

Image: A barn swallow and her chicks nesting on our back porch.

I always saw the swallows as black and white. They were fun, but not something I saw as particularly pretty. After my cataract surgery, I was in for quite the shock. The barn swallows are beautiful. What I saw as black is actually an iridescent navy blue, so dark that in direct sunlight it gleams purple. Their off-white bellies and throats are actually a dusky orange. They are amazing. I never would have realized.

I'll admit, I can still struggle with the difference between heather green and certain browns, but my world is now filled with colors I did not know existed. And I do not understand the names designers come up with for colors, especially make-up, but like I said earlier, that is a vocabulary issue.

Love: a story of grief and desire is now available as an audiobook! Available on amazon, audible.com and wherever audiobooks are sold.

Win a free Kindle edition of Love: a novel of grief and desire: I work with Reader's Favorite on the Kindle book giveaway. If you go to readersfavorite.com/book-giveaway you can sign up for the monthly giveaway. You can scroll through the list of giveaways (over 500 each month) or sort the list by title or author to find Love: a novel of grief and desire and put your name in for this month's drawing. Good luck!